i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
