I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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