I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize