I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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