i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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