Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
