Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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