Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am available for nakedness
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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