why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
