Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
