don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
