I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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