Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
