Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
