so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
