so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize