I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
