I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
