Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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