Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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