All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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