if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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