there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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