I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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