Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
