A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i believe in u and ur pee
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
