girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
