I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
