my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
