We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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