Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come see our sink grown plant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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