I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
