on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
