on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
