I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
