my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
