i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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