i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
