I got her a Nickelback box set.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
