Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
