YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
