we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
