I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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