K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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