I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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