plz talk dirty to me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
