His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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