Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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