The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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