When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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