So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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