Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
