I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
