Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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