my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
