the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
