end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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