Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize