My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
