First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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