I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize