Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So much Jack, so little girl.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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