Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize