Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
