Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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