Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
