We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
