Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
