Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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