Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
