go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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