Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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