5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
