Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
