we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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