Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize