I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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