Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
