Your tits are I can't wait for
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
