im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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