whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
