Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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